Thursday, October 4, 2012

30 Day Challenge - Day 6

An amazing thing happened yesterday.  I did the unthinkable (for me).  Opening up.  Being vulnerable.  Letting others in.  I posted several blogs yesterday without stopping to think of the consequences.  I didn't worry about who would read them or who wouldn't read them.  I just posted them.  No regard for anything other than – this is me.  This is me without makeup on, still in my jammies at 4 p.m.

It reminds me of another miracle I've experienced this year.  In sharing prayer requests, no matter how seemingly small, I've experienced the healing of power of opening up and sharing the burden.  In letting others pray for me, I no longer have to carry the weight alone.  It is an instantaneous feeling of relief.  My small group leader mentioned that it is related to bringing the issue/struggle to the light.  When Satan has us pinned down under the weight of the burden, it seems too much for us to carry.  We feel shame, fear, and loneliness.  But when we fight through the dark veil and reach out for someone to join us in the fight and hold our hand through the dark times, the dark veil is lifted.  No, an answer may not come right away, but knowing that you have support, love, and friends fighting with you brings peace and comfort. 

Praise God, my pain is noticeably less today!  I don’t feel like I’m walking as crooked as I was yesterday.  I was able to get out of bed without contemplating how to experience the least amount of pain.  I feel so rested today, but was told by my manager to just stay home and get better.  I’m not one to argue logic (ha!), so I am enjoying day 4 of being in my jammies.  It may be time to consider a load of laundry…

There are some major blessings that have come from this ordeal.  1) I feel rested.  2) I've talked to my mom a minimum of 2 times every day.  Before, she and I barely spoke once a week!  Surprisingly, we have a lot to talk about!  I am so thankful for our relationship and her love for me.  She even offered to come to my orthopedic appointment next week.  J  I told her not to, but I appreciated her concern and sacrifice! 3) I've been able to catch up on some reading and studying that I fell way behind. 4) I've been able to cuddle and have some kitty time.  I try not to be crazy-cat lady, but I do love them dearly.  They are so sweet and little Gracie comes over to cuddle the second that I start crying.  Every time.  That’s love right there.

As I mentioned yesterday, when contemplating with a friend as to why God would bring me to this place of pain, the first thing that came to mind was that God wants me to rest.  I know I say this too often, but God is good, He is patient with me, and extremely merciful in my stubbornness.  He knows that I need at least 3 confirmations of something before I grasp the lesson.

I don't believe I blogged about this, but I had been fighting exhaustion for a few weeks.  Last week, it came to a head and I started having chills like I was fighting a fever.  I was so tired that I wanted to just lay my head on my desk at work and rest for about 4 hours.  One night, I made it home from the office, fed the kitties, didn't bother with eating dinner myself, and went to bed at 7 p.m.  I didn't wake up until 7 a.m.  However, I felt refreshed and the chills/fever were gone.  

Today, I was talking to my mom about resting for the Sabbath.  I still struggle with that.  I cannot comprehend how to fit it into my schedule.  During the week, I work.  Saturdays are occupied with errands or social activities.  Sunday is for church and I usually end up going to lunch with friends and running errands.  Also, I have to fit household chores in there too.  How do I devote a whole day to rest?  What constitutes rest?  Reading?  Beading? Blogging?  I just can’t wrap my brain around it. 

On top of all that thought about rest, I have small group tonight and I was scheduled to meet with my leader before group.  I told her I had to pray about it because since I've been home, I haven’t been praying over decisions.  I've missed several God-honoring activities this week due to my back pain.  I wasn't sure if this was spiritual warfare or God telling me I had to rest.  Immediately, Gracie came over and cuddled.  She was purring so loud and loving on me.  That was all it took.  I knew God wanted me to rest.  I do too much.  I have a hard time saying, “no”.  As an added confirmation, here is how God spoke to me through “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young:

Though the Holy Spirit is infinite, He deigns to be your Helper(Deigns means to lower yourself. The Holy Spirit stoops to my level to help me.)  He is always ready to offer assistance; all you need to do is ask.  (Why don’t I ask for help?)  When the path before you looks easy and straightforward, you may be tempted to go it alone instead of relying on Me.  (My independent tendencies are not something to be proud of.) This is when you are in the greatest danger of stumbling.  (Ahem. Debilitating back pain, anyone?) Ask My Spirit to help you as you go each step of the way.  Never neglect this glorious Source of strength within you. (Jesus, please forgive my pride and independence of trying to do everything on my own.  I am nothing without you and you are the source of my strength.  Please direct my every step and guide my decisions so I can learn to rest in you and only take on the responsibilities you would have me do.)

Even God-honoring activities can be detrimental to my spiritual life if I am not following God’s leading.  I must actively choose to practice being still so I can hear God’s whisper in the whirlwind.  

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