After such a glorious church service yesterday, I was really struggling to make it through the day. Sunday’s have notoriously been difficult for me. I used to attribute it to spending every Sunday afternoon watching NASCAR with a former beau. Oh, the things ladies do for their men. But I haven’t watched NASCAR since that relationship ended (thank you, Jesus).
One new thought - Satan may be just waiting for me to be alone to insert thoughts to bring me down. I know the tools that I have to fight this kind of attack! Prayer and God's Word. However, I allowed myself to suffer and wallow in my misery all day yesterday. I even went back to stuffing myself with food to try to mask the pain. It hasn't worked in the past, and as before, I felt even guiltier for running to food for comfort instead of God.
Finally, I gave up and went to bed even though I wasn't tired. I decided to write in my Thousand Gifts journal . My motives were divided: Part of me was inflicting punishment for focusing on negative thoughts all day and turning to anything but God. Another part of me desperately wanted to see some glimmer of light in the darkness.
#721 I am thankful God is near, even when I don’t feel Him. He is not bound by the limit of my feelings. He is constant and He is faithful.
If I did this activity every day, I would only need to write 3 to reach 1,000 gifts in one year. Yet, I teeter between spurts of writing and forgetting to be thankful. Last night, I wrote from 719 – 742. I didn't stop thanking God for the gifts He has given me until my heart and mind were in a better place. Then I slept. Peacefully.
This morning, God’s gift to me was written in “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young:
I love you with an everlasting Love. The human mind cannot comprehend My constancy. Your emotions flicker and falter in the face of varying circumstances, and you tend to project your fickle feelings onto Me. Thus, you do not benefit fully from My unfailing Love.
Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Thank you, God, for your affirmations. Thank you for knowing exactly what I needed to hear at this precise moment in time. Thank you for loving me despite my fickle emotions and reactions. Thank you once again for your forgiveness and mercy and grace. You are good. I love you, Jesus! (((hugs)))