I had my follow up appointment today for my back. It was such a strange appointment. I was very stiff because I didn't take any Advil or joint supplements so I would be able to feel everything and tell the doctor exactly what I was feeling.
I met with the nurse first, who listened to my concerns slightly. When I mentioned I decided after 4 days to stop taking the pain meds, she immediately interrupted and assumed I was addicted to them. I told her no, but I was trying to explain that I kept taking the anti-inflammatory until the side effects were too much and I stopped taking that too. The result was extreme stiffness because I wasn't controlling the inflammation or pain.
When the doctor arrived, the conversation seemed odd to me. I felt like I was seeing the whole thing from an outside perspective, not an out of body experience, but just seeing things in a new light.
After assessing my X-rays, immobility and pain, the doctor said he thinks it is a herniated disc. He wants me to schedule an MRI to confirm. Also, I need 4 weeks of physical therapy. All I could think was Sharon Glasgow stating that she was not accepting the diagnosis that her husband had a heart attack - and he didn't have any sign of it when he left the hospital!
Then, the doctor asked me multiple times if I want more pain meds, sleeping pills, or even anti-anxiety meds for the MRI. Again, something just didn't seem right, I looked at him with a confused expression just said, "No." It was very disconcerting to be accused of addiction by one person and the next is pushing drugs on me.
I had just a moment alone when the doctor left after telling me his suspected diagnosis. Tears formed in my eyes, I turned away from the door to look out the window, and I had an urgent desire to call my mom and just cry. However, I immediately remembered an email devotion that I just read in the waiting room. I have 2 choices: I can either panic or I can pray. So, I quickly gave it to God, turned away from the window and waited for the nurse to return.
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
When I got in my car, I really prayed and told God that I was not claiming this diagnosis. He is my Healer, my Physician, and my Creator. He knows what's wrong and I know that He can heal me.
I will schedule an MRI and go to physical therapy, but I know that there is something bigger at work here behind the scenes. I'm not sure what's going on with my life right now, but it's incredible. Please keep praying for me. God is working and unfortunately Satan is too.
On the drive back to work, my phone battery died so I couldn't call anyone and my gas light came on. Immediately, I began searching for a praise song on the radio, then I was flipping through the CDs - nothing was working. Then I remembered what a friend told me this week! Every time she has a reason to praise, she sings "Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow" (a.k.a. The Doxology). That worked! At least I knew the words! I was praising Jesus and telling Satan he was not going to win this battle. He may be trying to discourage me, but I know that my Lord and Savior is by my side. Jesus will give me strength when I am weak!
1 Peter 1:6-7So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.