I woke up still in pain today, but it does seem to be less each morning. Thank you, Jesus! I was taking my time trying to evaluate whether or not to go into work because I didn't want to risk it – especially if it spasms while driving. I took the anti-inflammatory meds to see if it would ease the pain enough to go to work. After a while, the pain increased and I knew I would have to take the pain meds. Unfortunately, yesterday they made me nauseous and I had to lie down. So, I let my manager know that I wouldn't be able to make it in today either but to let me know if he needed anything from me. If I had to be on a call, I could time the meds so I would be coherent for a conversation.
I took the pain meds this morning and called my mom to let her know I wasn't going into work and that it still hurt. She has been so supportive through all this. She was so sweet to even say that dealing with pain has to burn calories even if I can’t exercise. J God bless her!
Last night, I was feeling sad a little. While I love my alone time, I don’t enjoy forced alone time. I feel like I don’t have any options because I can’t go to work and I can’t drive. I love how God answers prayers before I actually form the sentences. I know that God is here with me and I know that I do have friends praying for me. He then blessed me with 4 friends contacting me within 2 hours through 1 email, 1 text conversation, and 2 phone calls. God is GOOD! J The last phone call was really special. She said, "Sometimes God causes pain in our life to try to teach us something." I told her that the first thing that came to mind is to slow down and rest. Be still.
If I ever publish my journals from this year, I felt over and over again that while my One Little Word is “love”, the lesson for the whole year has been to wait, be still, and be patience.
Psalms 27:13-14 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalms 37:5-7 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
After all that contemplation, I was going through my hundreds of emails clogging my inbox - deleting them and cleaning them up as best I could. I came across one that was only a scripture, but considering what I’m going through right now with my back pain, I read it with new meaning.
(...the paraphrased promise of Isaiah 66:9 NCV)
One Thousand Gifts
Lord, please show me what new thing you are creating in me, reveal to me what is being birthed through this pain. Help me to see your hand at work in my life and may I not be a stumbling block for those around me. May I always point them directly to you. Thank you, Jesus that you are not finished with me yet. That you are continually transforming me to be more like you every day. I thank you for the pain. I thank you for this time to refocus my priorities. May my priorities be led and managed by you and may your will and way be clear to me like a lighted path. Help me to follow your direction and guidance with unfettered obedience. This is new territory for me and I lay down my desires so you can give me your desires.
So, today, after I took my pain pills, I knew I had about 45 minutes before I would feel the need to lie down. I was feeling slightly better, so I started to clean off my couch and coffee table. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly things get piled up and especially when I’m not feeling well. I want everything close to me, so I keep piling things higher and higher.
As I was going through the junk mail and papers piled high, I found prayer card after prayer card from the women in my small group. I found birthday cards to others that I never mailed out. Letters I never responded to. Books I hadn't read in over a month. Many things were lost in the shuffle and forgotten.
On one trip to the kitchen to throw a pile of old magazines away, I looked over at my piano and had a desire to play for the first time in about a year. Then I saw what song the book was open to, “Our God Reigns”. I am so out of practice, but there was joy in playing the piano again and singing praises to my God. It was a special moment because despite this trial, my God does reign. He gave me the desire to play the piano. He gave me this piano for FREE. He loves the music even though the piano needs tuned and my singing isn't great either. He doesn't need me to sound as good as the worship team at church, He just appreciates the effort and time spent worshiping him.
Thank you, Jesus that I don’t need to be perfect with you. You take my offering as it is, no matter how off key I sing or how out of tune my instrument sounds. To you, it is beautiful music.