Giving Up

I hate a life filled with drama. I try to keep things simple and try to keep it all together. I have a hard time opening up to people and admitting when I am going through a hard time. Yet, I find myself drowning in never-ending troubles. As soon as I feel like I’m getting back on my feet, I get kicked down again. I don’t even feel worthy to ask, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” I feel like somehow I deserve some of this drama. Some of it, not all.

The details aren’t important. Everyone goes through hard times. Why do I feel the need to fake the funk and act like everything is OK? Why do I find it so hard to trust people? I have so many loving friends and family in my life. I am one of the fortunate few. Yet, letting someone in is a terrifying thing for me.

To add to my stress, I know that God is always with me. He promises will never leave me or forsake me. Again, I don’t feel worthy of this love. I want to hide from it because I know I’ve pushed Him away. I use God as my last resort instead of first response. I live my life the way I want to instead of a life that honors Him. Then to run to Him when I screw it all up just seems unfair. I’m taking God for granted.

The Bible study I went to last night talked of God’s measureless love. It is mind boggling. The Bible says it surpasses knowledge in Ephesians 3. The study described how God measures everything. He measured where to place the galaxies, sun, moon, and stars. In the vast universe, he placed our planet in the precise location to support life. He gave precise measurements for temples that humans would use to worship him. Noah received the particular dimensions for an ark in the middle of dry land. God even gives measurements of cities that will exist after the earth is destroyed. Yet, God’s love is measureless. The height of his love cannot be calculated. The depth of his love cannot compare to the depths of the oceans. The width of his love is farther than the eye can see. It is everywhere around us, yet I push it away.

I choose today to embrace His love. I choose today to give up my control over circumstances I never had control over. My stress and worries are all my own doing.

John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Jesus, I embrace your peace. I give you my life so that you can do exceedingly abundantly more than I could ask or imagine. I’m giving it all to you.