Monday, April 9, 2012

I'm Not Who I Was

Today, I was reminded that what I've done in the past never really goes away. I have been learning so much and trying to give all my focus to God. Every morning, I pour my heart out to Him and ask Him for guidance, wisdom and the ability to love others like He loves me.

Yet, old friends know the old me. They bring up things that the old me would have enjoyed. They remind me that the old me existed. Unfortunately, they announce my old habits to my new friends.

So, I've been struggling tonight. I will go out on a limb here and admit that I talk to myself (sad, but true). I had 5 "mock" conversations where I was either trying to explain my actions to my new friends, trying to explain to my old friends that I've changed, trying to explain to other old friends that I wasn't lying - with God's help, I am changing.

Then I realized as I cut up veggies for homemade salsa (YUM!) I was trying to control a situation I had no control over. What's done is done. I have to give this to God. He owns my past, present, and future. I know I haven't consistently lived in a way that honors Him and brings Him joy. Thankfully, He loves me regardless of my past! It is only by His grace, forgiveness and unconditional love that I am the person I am now.

I have to give up control because if someone is going to judge me for what I've done in the past, they weren't a real friend to begin with. If God ordains it, nothing I say or do is going to jeopardize it. He can change someone's heart in an instant.

Here is an awesome video of "I'm Not Who I Was" by Brandon Heath. These are real people who have been changed too! God is good! :)


"The thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about
- "I'm Not Who I Was" by Brandon Heath

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